1
00:00:03,396 --> 00:00:05,451
Hot food from a hot man.

2
00:00:07,540 --> 00:00:09,361
Max, a woman in my section wants to know

3
00:00:09,481 --> 00:00:11,412
if we do anything gluten-free.
What do I tell her?

4
00:00:11,532 --> 00:00:14,660
Tell her she's not allergic to gluten,
she's just masking an eating disorder.

5
00:00:16,999 --> 00:00:20,100
Look alive, people.
Club sandwich, burger medium,

6
00:00:20,340 --> 00:00:22,707
and a shrimp salad
for the gamblin' man.

7
00:00:22,709 --> 00:00:24,325
I asked for salt and pepper.

8
00:00:25,494 --> 00:00:27,161
I wanted
mayonnaise and mustard.

9
00:00:28,931 --> 00:00:30,298
You forgot my diet soda.

10
00:00:30,300 --> 00:00:32,300
Oh, I'm sorry,
I'll be right back with--

11
00:00:32,302 --> 00:00:34,213
Oh, what?

12
00:00:37,506 --> 00:00:39,891
Never doubt me.

13
00:00:49,953 --> 00:00:53,204
Here's my last check, Earl.

14
00:00:53,206 --> 00:00:57,325
Look here, Max. That lady
just slipped me her number.

15
00:00:57,327 --> 00:01:00,245
Like I need another
menopausal white woman

16
00:01:00,247 --> 00:01:03,131
scratchin' at my window
like a cat in heat.

17
00:01:07,086 --> 00:01:08,353
God, I love money.

18
00:01:08,355 --> 00:01:12,457
I know, I'm so sorry
it broke up with you.

19
00:01:12,459 --> 00:01:15,644
Look! This week's new iPad
just came out.

20
00:01:15,646 --> 00:01:17,846
Spread the words.

21
00:01:17,848 --> 00:01:18,930
Word.

22
00:01:18,932 --> 00:01:21,933
Word!

23
00:01:21,935 --> 00:01:24,903
<i>I saw that on The Wire.</i>

24
00:01:24,905 --> 00:01:26,821
Max, three weeks in a row

25
00:01:26,823 --> 00:01:31,743
you have not yet accepted my
request to be a Facebook friend.

26
00:01:31,745 --> 00:01:34,613
Max?
I am talking to you.

27
00:01:34,615 --> 00:01:37,699
Oh, I didn't hear you,
I have my earbuds in.

28
00:01:38,534 --> 00:01:40,852
What are these?

29
00:01:40,854 --> 00:01:43,922
Okay, you had to bust a move,
and get "the truth" on my ass?

30
00:01:43,924 --> 00:01:45,674
Fine, let's go there.
Han,

31
00:01:45,676 --> 00:01:47,709
I'm never gonna be
your Facebook friend.

32
00:01:47,711 --> 00:01:52,681
Oof!
Hard to hear.

33
00:01:52,683 --> 00:01:54,683
Well, I accepted you, Han.

34
00:01:54,685 --> 00:01:59,054
Yes, thank you.
You make my heart sing.

35
00:01:59,056 --> 00:02:01,923
Oof.
Hurt me still.

36
00:02:04,443 --> 00:02:09,064
That was like watching someone
club a baby seal.

37
00:02:09,066 --> 00:02:11,116
Why wouldn't you just say yes
to his friend request?

38
00:02:11,118 --> 00:02:13,568
Because I never
check Facebook, why would I?

39
00:02:13,570 --> 00:02:16,404
So some girl I worked
at a movie theater with in 2005

40
00:02:16,406 --> 00:02:20,208
can tell me it's raining
and she's "totes bummed?"

41
00:02:31,303 --> 00:02:36,091
"Han Lee has tagged you
in 25 photos?"

42
00:02:42,982 --> 00:02:47,235
Want to borrow
my seal club yet?

43
00:02:47,237 --> 00:02:51,856
Oh, that stings. I've lost
like 300 Facebook friends

44
00:02:51,858 --> 00:02:53,858
since my father was arrested.

45
00:02:53,860 --> 00:02:54,859
Well, your father's probably

46
00:02:54,861 --> 00:02:56,411
made that many new friends
in prison,

47
00:02:56,413 --> 00:02:59,614
so it all evens out.

48
00:02:59,616 --> 00:03:00,915
Okay, ready to go?

49
00:03:00,917 --> 00:03:02,200
Do we have to?

50
00:03:02,202 --> 00:03:06,004
It's so hot outside.
When did heat get so hot?

51
00:03:06,006 --> 00:03:08,573
Stop fighting it,
just give in to it.

52
00:03:08,575 --> 00:03:13,011
I don't know why
I'm quoting a rapist.

53
00:03:13,013 --> 00:03:14,596
Can't we just stay
a little bit longer?

54
00:03:14,598 --> 00:03:16,497
We don't have
any A.C. at home.

55
00:03:16,499 --> 00:03:19,684
I have an A.C.
you girls can use.

56
00:03:19,686 --> 00:03:21,469
You have an air conditioner
that works?

57
00:03:21,471 --> 00:03:23,171
Oh, it works.

58
00:03:32,865 --> 00:03:36,201
That's like an A.C. that just had salami.

59
00:03:36,203 --> 00:03:40,155
There's more salami
where that came from.

60
00:03:46,545 --> 00:03:48,246
And my feet hurt.

61
00:03:48,248 --> 00:03:49,748
Well, you gotta stop
wearing those stilts,

62
00:03:49,750 --> 00:03:52,834
and get a pair of Skechers, like
normal broke-ass waitresses.

63
00:03:52,836 --> 00:03:57,472
Skechers?
How dare you.

64
00:03:57,474 --> 00:03:59,507
Besides,
I can't afford new shoes.

65
00:03:59,509 --> 00:04:01,309
These cost $900.

66
00:04:01,311 --> 00:04:04,546
Well, then that's not pain,
that's karma.

67
00:04:04,548 --> 00:04:06,431
Look,
I will help you out, okay?

68
00:04:06,433 --> 00:04:07,398
I know a place we can go

69
00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:09,434
that has designer things
at good prices.

70
00:04:09,436 --> 00:04:11,552
Like a Barney's warehouse?

71
00:04:11,554 --> 00:04:13,238
Kind of.

72
00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:20,011
The Goodwill?

73
00:04:20,013 --> 00:04:22,664
Welcome to my place!

74
00:04:24,832 --> 00:04:26,698
We're shopping at the Goodwill?

75
00:04:26,713 --> 00:04:28,717
You led me to believe
we were real-shopping.

76
00:04:28,719 --> 00:04:30,185
I know.

77
00:04:30,187 --> 00:04:31,736
I couldn't wait to see your face
when you saw this place.

78
00:04:31,738 --> 00:04:33,271
Do the face again.

79
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:35,991
I love it!

80
00:04:35,993 --> 00:04:37,692
Okay, what's that smell?

81
00:04:37,694 --> 00:04:40,779
It's gonna be your smell
from now on.

82
00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:43,365
Now, pay attention,
I know where the good stuff is.

83
00:04:43,367 --> 00:04:44,633
I know where the good stuff is.

84
00:04:44,635 --> 00:04:46,868
Madison and 57th.

85
00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:48,954
Follow me.

86
00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:52,007
Clever bitches hide stuff
they want to come back and buy,

87
00:04:52,009 --> 00:04:55,110
'cause sometimes they don't have
$3 to buy it at the time.

88
00:04:55,112 --> 00:04:57,045
Who doesn't have $3?

89
00:04:57,047 --> 00:04:58,513
You.

90
00:04:58,515 --> 00:05:00,932
Last week
I hid a dope vintage blazer

91
00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:04,019
in the back of a nightstand,
and here it is!

92
00:05:04,021 --> 00:05:07,305
Six bucks, clever bitch.
Bang, bang!

93
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:10,442
All right, well, we're here.
I'm gonna make the best of it,

94
00:05:10,444 --> 00:05:14,696
but first I need a basket
without a sno-cone in it.

95
00:05:14,698 --> 00:05:15,814
Hey, Trish.

96
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:18,650
Not for day-to-day,
but at the country club.

97
00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:22,020
You're kidding,
but you're right.

98
00:05:22,022 --> 00:05:25,040
Hey, when you find something,
check the pockets for pills.

99
00:05:25,042 --> 00:05:27,242
At a thrift store downtown
I found a purple one once,

100
00:05:27,244 --> 00:05:30,912
and took it.
Fell asleep for eight hours.

101
00:05:30,914 --> 00:05:33,682
That was my vacation that year.

102
00:05:34,751 --> 00:05:36,501
Yay, shoes!

103
00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:39,471
Oh, I can't believe I just said,
"yay," in Goodwill.

104
00:05:39,473 --> 00:05:42,123
Look, don't freak.
Shoes can be funky,

105
00:05:42,125 --> 00:05:44,726
but I have a special spray at
home that makes them like new.

106
00:05:44,728 --> 00:05:48,212
Did you get it from a wizard?

107
00:05:51,967 --> 00:05:55,103
Oh, my God.

108
00:05:55,105 --> 00:05:58,440
Oh, my God,
these Brian Atwoods were mine.

109
00:05:58,442 --> 00:06:00,075
I donated these to charity,

110
00:06:00,077 --> 00:06:04,029
'cause I was photographed
wearing them twice.

111
00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:07,065
Okay, they were $800
when I bought them,

112
00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:09,567
now they're $8?

113
00:06:09,569 --> 00:06:14,622
Like me. I'm $8.

114
00:06:14,624 --> 00:06:17,075
Oh, my God.

115
00:06:17,077 --> 00:06:19,427
I'm $8.

116
00:06:20,630 --> 00:06:22,881
I've been reduced.

117
00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:25,767
I'm sorry, it just
all became so real to me.

118
00:06:25,769 --> 00:06:28,219
I mean, I can't believe it.

119
00:06:33,442 --> 00:06:37,245
Um, didn't you see me crying?

120
00:06:37,247 --> 00:06:40,815
Lots of people cry at Goodwill.

121
00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:42,484
You go to France,
you eat snails.

122
00:06:42,486 --> 00:06:45,186
You come here, you cry.

123
00:06:45,188 --> 00:06:47,989
That's odd,
you didn't even react.

124
00:06:47,991 --> 00:06:50,041
You need to react
when people cry.

125
00:06:50,043 --> 00:06:52,877
I did, I rolled my eyes.

126
00:06:54,264 --> 00:06:58,733
Look, eventually, you'll learn
to do that on the inside.

127
00:06:58,735 --> 00:07:00,552
Okay, well, just FYI,

128
00:07:00,554 --> 00:07:02,754
when I used to cry in front of
my other girlfriends,

129
00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:05,256
they'd be like,
"What you cryin' about, C-line?

130
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:06,641
"Look at you, girl,
you're fierce,

131
00:07:06,643 --> 00:07:08,743
you got your glam on."

132
00:07:08,745 --> 00:07:12,363
Are your girlfriends
black drag queens?

133
00:07:16,485 --> 00:07:18,937
Oh, awesome strokes tee.

134
00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:21,773
I went to this concert,
but I couldn't afford the shirt.

135
00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:24,308
Oh, we're done with me.

136
00:07:24,310 --> 00:07:25,994
I went to see them on this tour

137
00:07:25,996 --> 00:07:28,763
the summer after my junior year.
It was a really warm night,

138
00:07:28,765 --> 00:07:31,449
and I snuck out of the house,
and we all ma--

139
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,118
Ahem.
Whatever.

140
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:34,369
And what?

141
00:07:34,371 --> 00:07:36,955
What, did something great happen
the night you got the t?

142
00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:40,041
Look at me, does it look like
something great ever happens?

143
00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:41,943
Hey, cute tee.

144
00:07:41,945 --> 00:07:43,111
Had my eye on it.

145
00:07:43,113 --> 00:07:44,996
I was just
bringin' my girl back to see it.

146
00:07:44,998 --> 00:07:46,431
She was in the bathroom.

147
00:07:46,433 --> 00:07:48,633
I had to throw up.

148
00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:49,968
So hand it over.

149
00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:51,219
You know the rule.

150
00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:55,557
Turn the back on the rack,
you're under attack.

151
00:07:55,559 --> 00:07:58,943
That's not me,
that's the law of the 'Will.

152
00:08:01,230 --> 00:08:06,901
Yeah,
you better walk away.

153
00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:08,102
That was intense.

154
00:08:08,104 --> 00:08:11,122
Ah, just another Wednesday
at the 'Will.

155
00:08:11,124 --> 00:08:15,326
You said to look in things,
right?

156
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:17,879
Max, look.
On my first try!

157
00:08:17,881 --> 00:08:21,216
Ooh, slick. Whoever
hid those is gonna be pissed.

158
00:08:21,218 --> 00:08:23,201
Quality check.

159
00:08:25,254 --> 00:08:27,822
Fabric sturdy,
no mysterious crotch stains,

160
00:08:27,824 --> 00:08:30,308
nice work, Nancy Drew.

161
00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:32,010
And look, they're designer.

162
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:35,096
Summer 2009. $350.

163
00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:37,599
And for me today...

164
00:08:37,601 --> 00:08:40,518
$5.
That's a reduction I like.

165
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:43,354
$5!
Oh!

166
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:47,492
$5, $5, $5, $5...

167
00:08:47,494 --> 00:08:49,644
$5, $5...

168
00:08:49,646 --> 00:08:51,779
Hi, Maria.

169
00:08:51,781 --> 00:08:53,164
How are you, Max?

170
00:08:53,166 --> 00:08:54,449
I'm good, how's your mom doin'?

171
00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:57,535
Good. She really appreciated
the cupcakes you made her.

172
00:08:57,537 --> 00:09:00,421
Hi, Maria, I'm Caroline,
Max's friend.

173
00:09:00,423 --> 00:09:02,957
Any way we can get
the price down a bit for these?

174
00:09:02,959 --> 00:09:05,843
I think $8 is steep,
considering their condition.

175
00:09:05,845 --> 00:09:08,213
I happen to know
the heel has been replaced.

176
00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:12,016
I cannot believe
you're trying to shoe her down.

177
00:09:12,018 --> 00:09:13,968
I can do $6.

178
00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:15,753
Deal.

179
00:09:15,755 --> 00:09:16,971
Oh, you happy?

180
00:09:16,973 --> 00:09:19,774
You haggled a charity.

181
00:09:19,776 --> 00:09:22,644
You're turning Goodwill
into bad will.

182
00:09:24,697 --> 00:09:26,948
My t-shirt's gone.

183
00:09:26,950 --> 00:09:28,266
It's not here.

184
00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:31,703
I bet it was that
Puerto Rican girl,

185
00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:33,655
who was--
who was eyeing it.

186
00:09:33,657 --> 00:09:35,206
Maria, can we call security?

187
00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:37,608
I'm sure one of the cameras
must have captured the theft.

188
00:09:37,610 --> 00:09:40,962
Cameras? What do you think
this is, target?

189
00:09:40,964 --> 00:09:43,447
It's gone, Caroline.

190
00:09:43,449 --> 00:09:44,599
She must have stolen it

191
00:09:44,601 --> 00:09:47,051
while I was watching you
do your stupid $5 dance.

192
00:09:47,053 --> 00:09:52,223
I didn't turn my back on
the rack, why am I under attack?

193
00:09:52,225 --> 00:09:55,293
See, this is why I shop alone,
this is why I eat alone,

194
00:09:55,295 --> 00:09:58,646
this is why I'm leaving alone.

195
00:09:58,648 --> 00:10:00,682
Maria, I'll pay for these.

196
00:10:00,684 --> 00:10:03,401
You don't have to box them,
you can just use tissue paper.

197
00:10:03,403 --> 00:10:05,987
Even as I'm saying this,
I know it's not gonna happen.

198
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:14,354
Chestnut...

199
00:10:14,594 --> 00:10:16,217
Hot as a mother, right?

200
00:10:21,851 --> 00:10:23,351
Better, right?

201
00:10:25,889 --> 00:10:26,972
♪ It's gettin' hot in here ♪

202
00:10:26,974 --> 00:10:28,006
♪ so hot! ♪

203
00:10:28,008 --> 00:10:29,858
♪ so take off all your clothes ♪

204
00:10:29,860 --> 00:10:32,127
♪ I am gettin' so hot ♪

205
00:10:32,129 --> 00:10:36,114
♪ I'm gonna take
my clothes off ♪

206
00:10:36,116 --> 00:10:37,699
You might want to
keep your voice down.

207
00:10:37,701 --> 00:10:40,869
This building has
three registered sex offenders.

208
00:10:40,871 --> 00:10:43,288
♪ It's gettin' hot in here ♪

209
00:10:43,290 --> 00:10:46,808
♪ so leave all that strokes
tee shirt drama behind ♪

210
00:10:46,810 --> 00:10:48,510
Come on, it's our night off.

211
00:10:48,512 --> 00:10:51,246
Let's go get drunk
in air conditioning.

212
00:10:51,248 --> 00:10:53,014
We won't even
have to pay for drinks.

213
00:10:53,016 --> 00:10:56,701
These "shotes"
is gonna pay for our drinks.

214
00:10:56,703 --> 00:11:00,755
You are literally
a $5 whore right now.

215
00:11:00,757 --> 00:11:02,040
Come on.

216
00:11:02,042 --> 00:11:03,842
♪ Ai-ee ai-ee ♪

217
00:11:03,844 --> 00:11:05,060
♪ ai-ee ai-ee ♪

218
00:11:07,181 --> 00:11:09,147
Hey, Johnny.

219
00:11:09,149 --> 00:11:10,232
I thought I told you

220
00:11:10,234 --> 00:11:12,150
to keep your dumb, tragic ass
out of here.

221
00:11:12,152 --> 00:11:14,686
The only thing that
isn't tragic about me is my ass.

222
00:11:14,688 --> 00:11:17,272
And who's
the blonde, bony skank?

223
00:11:17,274 --> 00:11:18,723
Oh, dude, she's not in on this.

224
00:11:18,725 --> 00:11:20,058
Oh, I'm so sorry, miss.

225
00:11:20,060 --> 00:11:23,278
Hey, I'm Johnny,
I'm Max's friend.

226
00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:26,248
I'm Caroline.
I'm freaked out.

227
00:11:26,250 --> 00:11:27,565
This is something we do.

228
00:11:27,567 --> 00:11:31,236
- To remind us of our families.
- Mm-hmm.

229
00:11:31,238 --> 00:11:33,505
Excuse me for a second.
These guys tip more

230
00:11:33,507 --> 00:11:36,241
if I high-five 'em
when we talk about chicks.

231
00:11:36,243 --> 00:11:37,408
Vagina!

232
00:11:37,410 --> 00:11:39,294
Yeah!

233
00:11:39,296 --> 00:11:43,048
Wow. Girl,
your bartender friend is cute.

234
00:11:43,050 --> 00:11:46,351
Look at those arms.
Nice guns.

235
00:11:46,353 --> 00:11:48,270
He's not just a bartender,
this dude is legit.

236
00:11:48,272 --> 00:11:50,722
He's a street artist,
goes by "Jpeg."

237
00:11:50,724 --> 00:11:52,274
Hmm.
Well, right now

238
00:11:52,276 --> 00:11:54,759
he's cutting up limes
and cleaning glasses.

239
00:11:54,761 --> 00:11:56,278
Well, you're an heiress

240
00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:58,813
who's slinging burnt hash
and stale toast.

241
00:11:58,815 --> 00:11:59,831
Touche.

242
00:11:59,833 --> 00:12:01,933
Douch-ay.

243
00:12:01,935 --> 00:12:04,536
These are from the gentleman
with a sweet note,

244
00:12:04,538 --> 00:12:07,789
"Nice ass, nice rack."

245
00:12:12,111 --> 00:12:13,461
Whoo!

246
00:12:13,463 --> 00:12:15,297
Hoo.

247
00:12:18,117 --> 00:12:19,718
If that's your tequila noise,

248
00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:23,138
God knows
what your orgasm sounds like.

249
00:12:23,140 --> 00:12:27,592
Same face, no sound.

250
00:12:31,397 --> 00:12:32,981
Oh, my God.

251
00:12:32,983 --> 00:12:35,567
I can't believe it,
it's the girl from the 'Will.

252
00:12:35,569 --> 00:12:38,937
I got your back, gir-r-r.

253
00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:42,473
What is she doin'?

254
00:12:42,475 --> 00:12:44,109
She thinks Goodwill
has made her tough.

255
00:12:44,111 --> 00:12:46,477
Um, hi.
How are you?

256
00:12:46,479 --> 00:12:47,662
I just wanted to talk to you

257
00:12:47,664 --> 00:12:49,364
about that shirt
at the Goodwill.

258
00:12:49,366 --> 00:12:53,151
See, my friend really wanted it,
and, well, your friend has it.

259
00:12:53,153 --> 00:12:55,921
What are you sayin', bitch?

260
00:12:55,923 --> 00:12:58,489
Okay, I think we might have
got off on the wrong foot.

261
00:12:58,491 --> 00:13:00,508
Do you want to feel my foot,
bitch?

262
00:13:00,510 --> 00:13:03,661
Well, I guess we know
what your favorite word is.

263
00:13:04,347 --> 00:13:05,830
Ow!

264
00:13:05,832 --> 00:13:09,601
Those are not extensions,
bitch!

265
00:13:09,603 --> 00:13:10,785
Oh!

266
00:13:10,787 --> 00:13:12,220
I should break this up,
I should break this up.

267
00:13:12,222 --> 00:13:14,506
No, no, no, give her like four
seconds to learn her lesson.

268
00:13:14,508 --> 00:13:15,607
Oh, okay, ow!
All right. All right!

269
00:13:15,609 --> 00:13:18,326
- Okay, okay, okay.
- Ow! Oh, oh.

270
00:13:18,328 --> 00:13:19,611
Okay, come on, come on.

271
00:13:19,613 --> 00:13:21,029
- Oh!
- It's okay.

272
00:13:23,866 --> 00:13:26,735
Those are not extensions,
bitch!

273
00:13:28,121 --> 00:13:30,405
Are you still laughing,
'cause it wasn't funny.

274
00:13:30,407 --> 00:13:33,158
It was so funny.
It was like looney tunes funny.

275
00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:35,627
It was like Bugs Bunny
getting shot in the face funny.

276
00:13:35,629 --> 00:13:36,828
Only in your version,

277
00:13:36,830 --> 00:13:40,415
Bugs Bunny tries to have
a dialogue with the shotgun.

278
00:13:40,417 --> 00:13:42,083
I was trying

279
00:13:42,085 --> 00:13:43,385
to get your t-shirt back.

280
00:13:43,387 --> 00:13:44,586
I wanted you to have it,

281
00:13:44,588 --> 00:13:46,671
because you lit up at the 'Will
when you saw it.

282
00:13:46,673 --> 00:13:48,539
I do not light up, okay?

283
00:13:48,541 --> 00:13:50,875
There's no light inside me.

284
00:13:50,877 --> 00:13:52,427
What you're seeing
is probably radiation

285
00:13:52,429 --> 00:13:54,512
from the summer
I collected uranium tubes

286
00:13:54,514 --> 00:13:56,881
by the train tracks.
That was good money.

287
00:13:56,883 --> 00:13:58,716
Thanks for looking out for me,
Caroline.

288
00:13:58,718 --> 00:13:59,985
You're welcome, Max.

289
00:13:59,987 --> 00:14:02,153
It's a t-shirt,
it's gone.

290
00:14:02,155 --> 00:14:03,655
I don't get attached to things.

291
00:14:03,657 --> 00:14:06,057
Ow. My nail practically
got torn off back there

292
00:14:06,059 --> 00:14:08,526
by "Cat Von D-Minus."

293
00:14:08,528 --> 00:14:10,178
I'm gonna have to
sleep with it elevated.

294
00:14:10,180 --> 00:14:11,579
Is there a nail place
around here?

295
00:14:11,581 --> 00:14:12,998
Well, this is New York,

296
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:15,200
so there's probably
gonna be one right...

297
00:14:15,202 --> 00:14:17,402
here.
Love when that happens.

298
00:14:17,404 --> 00:14:19,938
Look, a two-for-one
girlfriend special. Genius.

299
00:14:19,940 --> 00:14:22,957
Go with me tomorrow before work,
it'll be cheaper if we both go.

300
00:14:22,959 --> 00:14:24,342
I really need one.

301
00:14:24,344 --> 00:14:26,077
Plus, you need one, too.

302
00:14:26,079 --> 00:14:29,214
Well, I can't. I have my own
day of luxury already booked.

303
00:14:29,216 --> 00:14:32,350
I'm doing a laundry, and then
the tasting menu at Wendy's.

304
00:14:32,352 --> 00:14:35,920
Come on. You and me, nails,
and air conditioning.

305
00:14:35,922 --> 00:14:37,138
It'll be fun.

306
00:14:37,140 --> 00:14:38,306
You're doin' it,
gir-r-rl.

307
00:14:38,308 --> 00:14:40,859
Me and my friends
used to love getting manicures.

308
00:14:40,861 --> 00:14:44,396
'Cause they're black drag queens?

309
00:14:44,398 --> 00:14:46,264
♪ Ai-ee ai-ee ♪

310
00:14:46,266 --> 00:14:48,850
♪ ai-ee ai-ee ♪

311
00:15:07,436 --> 00:15:08,453
Oh.

312
00:15:08,455 --> 00:15:10,009
Hey, dude.

313
00:15:14,844 --> 00:15:16,443
It's about that time?

314
00:15:18,932 --> 00:15:21,766
Let me get the pooper scooper.

315
00:15:23,937 --> 00:15:27,822
All right.
Let's do this.

316
00:15:31,927 --> 00:15:35,613
- Hey.
- Hey.

317
00:15:35,615 --> 00:15:38,032
Let me ask you something.
How is it that you,

318
00:15:38,034 --> 00:15:40,618
a horse, and Caroline
are both living with me,

319
00:15:40,620 --> 00:15:42,454
and you're
less of a problem for me?

320
00:15:42,456 --> 00:15:44,489
I mean, you tell me,
you've known her longer.

321
00:15:44,491 --> 00:15:46,841
She picks a fight
with a tatted-out white chick

322
00:15:46,843 --> 00:15:49,961
from the Bronx?
What is up with that?

323
00:15:49,963 --> 00:15:52,830
I don't know, man,
I'm just used to it.

324
00:15:52,832 --> 00:15:55,650
That's what you'd sound like,
if you talked.

325
00:15:55,652 --> 00:15:57,619
I agree with you,
by the way.

326
00:15:57,621 --> 00:16:00,188
Everything you say is right,
Max.

327
00:16:00,190 --> 00:16:02,690
Thank you, Chestnut.

328
00:16:02,692 --> 00:16:04,692
You should kill her.

329
00:16:04,694 --> 00:16:06,928
Chestnut!
I can't do that.

330
00:16:06,930 --> 00:16:10,482
It'll be easy.
We could kill her and eat her.

331
00:16:10,484 --> 00:16:12,467
Chestnut!

332
00:16:14,037 --> 00:16:16,871
All right, buddy,
here's your spot.

333
00:16:16,873 --> 00:16:19,541
Come on, do your business.

334
00:16:19,543 --> 00:16:21,042
Come on, Ches.

335
00:16:21,044 --> 00:16:23,027
Buh-buh-buh buh-buh.

336
00:16:23,029 --> 00:16:25,079
Buh-buh-buh buh-boo.
Come on.

337
00:16:25,081 --> 00:16:27,048
Come on!

338
00:16:27,050 --> 00:16:29,551
Come on, Chestnut,
I got a lot of crap to do today.

339
00:16:30,370 --> 00:16:32,137
And so do you.

340
00:16:32,139 --> 00:16:35,006
Jeez, don't be shy, buddy...

341
00:16:41,453 --> 00:16:44,838
I hope you're happy. I look
like a Cambodian stripper.

342
00:16:47,910 --> 00:16:51,729
Um, they prefer to be called
"ping pong ball artists."

343
00:16:51,731 --> 00:16:55,866
These cost $70.43.

344
00:16:55,868 --> 00:16:59,986
She forced me to get tips,
and then tip her for the tips.

345
00:16:59,988 --> 00:17:01,955
See, and all because
you never showed up,

346
00:17:01,957 --> 00:17:03,624
I didn't get
the two-for-one discount,

347
00:17:03,626 --> 00:17:05,793
because I was waiting alone,
for you.

348
00:17:05,795 --> 00:17:09,213
Max, I have really tried
to be girlfriends with you,

349
00:17:09,215 --> 00:17:11,381
but you obviously
have some issues.

350
00:17:11,383 --> 00:17:13,133
Follow me to the walk-in.

351
00:17:13,135 --> 00:17:16,353
Good, let's get it out.

352
00:17:23,645 --> 00:17:26,563
Here.

353
00:17:28,767 --> 00:17:30,768
I thought we were gonna talk.

354
00:17:30,770 --> 00:17:34,071
No, we just didn't have
any chocolate cream in the case.

355
00:17:34,073 --> 00:17:35,873
Why didn't you show up?

356
00:17:35,875 --> 00:17:37,624
You told me
you were gonna be there.

357
00:17:37,626 --> 00:17:39,460
Well,
I had a lot of crap to do.

358
00:17:39,462 --> 00:17:41,528
Well, you gave me
the impression you were going.

359
00:17:41,530 --> 00:17:44,498
I gave you the impression?
I don't do impressions.

360
00:17:44,500 --> 00:17:46,784
Well, wait, that's not true,
I do one, my mom.

361
00:17:46,786 --> 00:17:48,368
But to do that.
I need a Christmas tree,

362
00:17:48,370 --> 00:17:51,421
a gallon of vodka,
and a lit cigarette.

363
00:17:51,423 --> 00:17:54,541
So are we
gonna be girlfriends or not?

364
00:17:54,543 --> 00:17:57,594
Look, I'm gonna
give this to you straight up.

365
00:17:57,596 --> 00:18:00,547
I am never gonna be the type
of girlfriend you're used to.

366
00:18:00,549 --> 00:18:03,851
I am not your gir-r-r,
or your gir-r-rl,

367
00:18:03,853 --> 00:18:05,185
and I am definitely not

368
00:18:05,187 --> 00:18:07,604
someone's two-for-one girlfriend
crap at a nail store.

369
00:18:07,606 --> 00:18:10,858
In fact, think of me as a dude.

370
00:18:10,860 --> 00:18:12,843
So-o-o,
are we good?

371
00:18:12,845 --> 00:18:15,279
Yeah. We good.

372
00:18:15,281 --> 00:18:17,080
I get it.
You're not a girl's girl.

373
00:18:17,082 --> 00:18:19,032
Okay, good.

374
00:18:20,852 --> 00:18:23,587
I can be a girl's girl.

375
00:18:27,659 --> 00:18:29,009
Oh, Caroline,

376
00:18:29,011 --> 00:18:32,846
please do not take
advantage of me with your horse.

377
00:18:32,848 --> 00:18:33,931
What?

378
00:18:33,933 --> 00:18:35,933
My trash pick up company
charged me extra,

379
00:18:35,935 --> 00:18:39,085
because my dumpster is full
of all your horse droppings.

380
00:18:39,087 --> 00:18:41,922
How would that be possible?

381
00:18:41,924 --> 00:18:44,358
I see your good friend, Max,
walking your horse every morning

382
00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:48,228
and dropping droppings
in my dumpster.

383
00:18:48,230 --> 00:18:49,880
Hi.

384
00:18:49,882 --> 00:18:51,431
Hello.

385
00:18:51,433 --> 00:18:53,700
Did you walk my horse today?

386
00:18:53,702 --> 00:18:55,986
Yeah, and every other morning.

387
00:18:55,988 --> 00:18:58,238
That's so sweet.
I wish I had known.

388
00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:00,541
Well, what was I gonna do,
post it on your Facebook wall?

389
00:19:00,543 --> 00:19:04,278
"Ha, walked a horse again today.
Totes gross."

390
00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:06,463
Besides, who did you think
was doing it?

391
00:19:06,465 --> 00:19:08,265
I've always just
had things done for me,

392
00:19:08,267 --> 00:19:10,667
I've never really thought about
the people doing them.

393
00:19:10,669 --> 00:19:12,586
Yeah, and I've never had
things done for me,

394
00:19:12,588 --> 00:19:14,171
so I just do them.

395
00:19:14,173 --> 00:19:15,973
Like now,
how I'm making the coffee,

396
00:19:15,975 --> 00:19:18,458
and you're just standing here
watching me.

397
00:19:18,460 --> 00:19:20,811
Still,
I wish you would have told me,

398
00:19:20,813 --> 00:19:22,012
so I could say thank you.

399
00:19:22,014 --> 00:19:23,797
Well, it's not really my style.

400
00:19:23,799 --> 00:19:26,350
You are one complicated dude.

401
00:19:26,352 --> 00:19:29,803
Pick up, borscht.

402
00:19:32,974 --> 00:19:36,159
- Unbelievable.
- What?

403
00:19:38,580 --> 00:19:40,581
Hey.
How you guys doin'?

404
00:19:40,583 --> 00:19:42,583
Cute strokes tee.

405
00:19:42,585 --> 00:19:45,318
Probably look better on me,
considering it's mine.

406
00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:50,173
<i>You snooze, you lose, puta.</i>

407
00:19:50,175 --> 00:19:52,826
Nice language!

408
00:19:52,828 --> 00:19:57,547
You kiss your obviously closeted
boyfriend with that mouth?

409
00:19:57,549 --> 00:20:00,467
You know what?
I wouldn't even want it now.

410
00:20:00,469 --> 00:20:01,551
Now that it's been on you,

411
00:20:01,553 --> 00:20:03,470
might as well have been
a Kenny G shirt.

412
00:20:06,108 --> 00:20:09,226
And now I walk.

413
00:20:09,228 --> 00:20:11,011
You can't just let her win.

414
00:20:11,013 --> 00:20:12,696
Oh, forget it, it's over.

415
00:20:12,698 --> 00:20:15,265
Borscht!
Pick up, pick up.

416
00:20:21,773 --> 00:20:22,906
Hi, I'll be right with you.

417
00:20:22,908 --> 00:20:24,574
Oh!

418
00:20:24,576 --> 00:20:26,126
<i>- Idiota!
- Oh.</i>

419
00:20:26,128 --> 00:20:29,579
<i>Esta camiseta
me costo cuatro dolares!</i>

420
00:20:29,581 --> 00:20:31,031
<i>Te voy a cortar.</i>

421
00:20:31,033 --> 00:20:35,368
<i>Lo siento.
Todo es mi culpa.</i>

422
00:20:35,370 --> 00:20:38,005
I'm still a little clumsy,
it's my first week.

423
00:20:38,007 --> 00:20:40,590
I'll bring you some soda water,
but seriously,

424
00:20:40,592 --> 00:20:44,394
your boyfriend will come out
before that borscht stain does.

425
00:20:49,734 --> 00:20:51,151
That was awesome.

426
00:20:51,153 --> 00:20:53,153
Yeah.
I kinda just do stuff.

427
00:20:53,155 --> 00:20:57,724
Like I just did, while you were
standing there watching me.

428
00:20:57,726 --> 00:21:00,744
Thanks, gir-r-rlfriend.

429
00:21:00,746 --> 00:21:01,778
Oh.

430
00:21:01,780 --> 00:21:02,913
What, is she coming for me?

431
00:21:02,915 --> 00:21:04,698
Run.